bloggers squamorse
September 19, 2008 at 7:14 PM 
squam remorse definition: after experiencing intense exhilaration and sincere love for 5 straight days, we have to come back to our regular lives and somehow integrate what we learned into daily living. all without 125 lovely ladies telling us how great we are.
and boy howdy, today is my day to feel it. since the moment my plane landed i've been running, running, running; riding the high that squam instilled. today has been my first day to just sit with it all. my heart is grieving that i'm not closer to those that i love. every post that i read, every picture i look at brings tears spilling over the reservoir. i feel profoundly grateful for this experience. but i'm realizing now how unprepared i was to come home. and yet i'm HAPPY to be home. it's a difficult conundrum that i think most of us are experiencing.
as i said to kelly today, "...at the same time, i feel happier and more clear than i may have ever felt. i feel like i'm on the cusp of something fantastic. i'm the three year old on top of a slide, scared to go down because of the heights, and yet WANTING so badly to feel the wind in my hair. and so, we just have to close our eyes and let go."
who's with me?
Reader Comments (8)
I was on a completely different journey, in a completely different part of the country while you were gone, but I am feeling the same now that mine has ended. I find myself inexplicably bursting into tears at the oddest of moments and my kids must think I am nuts :)
When I wake up in the morning I have been confused not to be snuggled up next to my friends, or not to have one of them pounce on me to wake me up...
I really am so grateful that I was able to do it all... I just feel so raw that it is over now. I suppose now I have to carve out the next steps that will lead me to the next part of my journey.
i feel like i'm on the cusp of something fantastic.
this says it exactly.
love you. xo
I've been dealing with the same conundrum. I'm happy to be home and feel bolder and braver than ever, but boy do I miss everyone and that glowy feeling brought on by all the Squam LOVE. The tears have been flowing - I'm an emotional mush. :)
It's comforting to know that we're not alone, non? I'm so glad I met you.
oh Jenica-- yes, I have been hearing a lot of "coming down to earth" in emails yesterday and this morning-- hmmm, how can we soften that landing? something to think about for next year when it comes to a close . . what could we send home with everyone for this moment days later when the door is closed and we are back in "real life"-- I'm going to turn this over and over in my mind and see if we can't have something to ease the transition--
btw, LOVING the song playing here-- what is it, please?
bisous, Elizabeth
xoxo
thinking of you...
jen gray
I love how you express feelings, thoughts...
You're GREAT!
it was so nice to meet you, too, next time we will have to talk about other things. ;-)
it's always so bittersweet to come home after being surrounded by beauty and so much love and support! You are not alone in how you feel!
take care and hope to meet again. xo
i thinking i'm still running...